* Don't look around when preparing to enter traffic on a bicycle or scooter. Just pull directly out into traffic and presume that everyone will go around you.
* Its ok to go the wrong way up a one way street as long as you are turning into a side street or driveway somewhere along the way.
* It ok to text and talk on your phone, also its fine to slow down so you can ride 3 abreast and talk to all your friends on the other scooters next to you.
* Its ok to beep your horn as often as necessary to let people know you are coming through. If you intend to ride fast and recklessly and are under 23 its fine to sit on the horn constantly, one long uninterrupted beep.
* Give way to vehicles on roundabouts only if you are about to run into them, or they into you, otherwise just keep going.
* Its perfectly ok for large buses and taxis to sit one metre or less from people on bicycles or scooters and beep loudly so they move just enough for the larger vehicle to roar through. There is a saying for pedestrians that you should watch out for leg tattoo's, which is when a scooter goes past you close enough to burn your leg on the exhaust.
* Try not to ride your scooter with your knees sticking out, its likely a bigger vehicle will drive close enough to hit them at some stage.
* Don't imagine you have any rights as a road user, particularly if you are on foot or on a bicycle. Size and speed rules here, its up to the slow and weak to keep out of the way.
* When you are on a scooter and it starts to rain you have to put on a huge plastic raincoat that covers the driver, his handlebars, speedo and headlight, the passenger and any babies or goods the passenger is carrying. The raincoat should flap around and every now and then the passenger, who is completely covered, should peer out from under the raincoat to see whats going on and answer another call on their mobile.
* Female scooter riders need to wear impossibly high heels and short tight skirts so that they look cool riding between one social outing and the next. Safety is not paramount.
* Make sure your scooter helmut doesn't fit too snugly. It should be loose enough so that it keeps slipping forward and need adjusting every 5 minutes. Doing the chin strap up is an option only.
* As a pedestrian make sure you don't step off the curb at the crossing as soon as the green walk sign lights up. That just means that the bigger vehicles have to stop. Scooters will keep going through a red light if they are turning a corner, or couldn't be bothered stopping. Scooters also take off again 5 seconds before their lights turn green so don't dilly dally whilst walking across the road. In fact traffic lights in Vietnam really just give westerners a false sense of hope that they can safely cross the street without traffic.
* Its fine to stop in the middle of the road, particularly if you are in a Lexus or a Mercedes. Other vehicles will just go around you. It's also ok to reverse around a corner in front of moving traffic coming up behind you if you need to change direction and go down a side street and couldn't be bothered going around the block.
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